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TRYPTONE

    TRYPTONE


Hailing from the lush and unforgiving plains of Auburn, Tryptone fought his way through History’s most epic battles to bring you sick beats and flawless mixing. Providing the entire soundtrack for WWII, his nu-school breakbeats gave American Troops the inspiration they needed to put a boot through the teeth of the Nazis , and served as an undeniable reminder to our allies that WE were the real men. He returned home to the cheers of his countrymen and scores of naked and willing women. Later, in the harsh jungles of Vietnam, Tryptone was forced to reach deep inside himself (not quite as deep as he reached inside your mum) and come to terms with the darker aspects of his character. It was then that he lay down the breaks and turned to Drum n Bass. After years of decimating pansy ass djs and defecating on the sub-par mixes of imposters, he has found a balance within himself. The UN, in celebration of Tryptone’s new merciful attitude, errected a statue in his honor. To date the statue still boasts the largest penis ever rendered in stone. Many women have come forward to testify that the penis is in true-to-life scale. Many scholors credit Tryptone with the recent outbreak of Zombies, saying that his epic sets caused the people to enter a trance-like state where they refused food or water, and when his set is over they are so devastated and confused that they stumble, naked, into public where they have been heard to scream ‘must….rock….faces off’. Not being equiped with Tryptone’s unique skill set, they are forced to use only their teeth to remove the faces of unsuspecting victims. Fearing retribution by Tryptone and his army of followers, the police have yet to formally charge him with these deaths. In order to avoid angering the Tryptone at one of his performances, experts suggest keeping both hands raised and making the signature ‘bass face’ to show compliance.



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